Death By Food Processor?

Death By Food Processor?

I want a food processor. It has been on the top of my ‘must buy’ kitchen appliance list for a few weeks now. I found a really great sounding graham cracker recipe the other day, and decided it was time to give in, and get one.

Luckily for me, my dad is excellent at bargain shopping. He can get me a sweet deal on anything! So, I picked up the phone and gave him a call. I told him how just about every graham cracker and macaroon recipe I want to try this summer calls for a processor, and I need one ASAP. And that’s when it happened….

My dad told me a story…

Did I believe it?? No way!

Was it funny to listen to my dad go on in a panicking rant about it? Of course!

Here’s how our conversation went:

Dad: ‘Jess, I will NOT help you buy one of those machines! They are so dangerous!! I cannot tell you how many horror stories I’ve heard about them. One guy in Florida was decapitated!’

Me: ‘I’m sure that didn’t happen. They wouldn’t sell something if it were that dangerous.’

Dad: ‘It really happened. Well, maybe it was 20 years ago… and it could have been a juicer… I’m not sure which one… but it happened! Don’t buy one of those crazy machines! With your luck, you’ll end up cutting something off!’

Thanks for the confidence dad!

Thanks to our little pep-talk, I have yet to buy a food processor. Not because I think they are dangerous, but because I’m looking for the best deal, and the best product. I decided to try out our blender, and see if I couldn’t make it work for now.


Graham Crackers
{Adapted from Alton Brown’s recipe}

8 3/8 ounces graham flour
1 7/8 ounces all-purpose flour
3 ounces dark brown sugar
3/4 teaspoon aluminum-free baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 ounces unsalted butter, cut into 1/4-inch cubes and chilled
1 1/8 ounces molasses
1 1/8 ounce honey
1 1/2 ounces whole milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

-Place both flours, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon into the bowl of a food processor and pulse several times to combine. Add the butter and pulse until the mixture resembles cornmeal. Add the molasses, honey, milk and vanilla extract and process until the dough forms a ball, approximately 1 minute. Press the ball into a 1/2-inch thick disk, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate overnight.

-Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

-Unwrap the chilled dough and place it onto a large piece of parchment paper and top with a second sheet of parchment paper. Roll the dough out until it is 1/16-inch thick. Remove the top sheet of parchment paper and cut the dough, using a cookie cutter of choice. {I used a heart shaped cookie cutter, and skipped the next step} Using a fork, poke holes all over the top of each cracker. Place crackers on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Bake on the middle rack of the oven for 16-18 minutes or until the edges just start to darken. Remove from the oven, set the pan with the crackers on a cooling rack and allow to cool completely. {It is important to make sure they are cooled. The cookies will come off MUCH easier!! Otherwise you’ll end up with a graham cracker mess.}

-Store in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.


These are SOOOO good. Dax & I sat down and finished off 15 of these crackers!
I do have a suggestion. You want to roll these out SUPER thin. If they are too thick, you’ll end up with a soft bran type cookie, so the thinner the better. You want to make sure it gets a good crunch. Also, watch them closely. They get dark pretty quick!

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